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Tender Embrace A Livingston Jewelers product My Story |
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My story.
By
Gerald A. Livings This
story is very hard to put into words. I had an alcoholic father
who mentally and physically abused his entire family.
My twin brother and myself suffered all through our
childhood. He
beat my mother until they divorced when I was about 4 or 5. He
eventually won custody of us from my mother when we were about 7. The years until I was 13 were the worst in my life. I
lived with him and my stepmother, who also was also mentally and
physically abusive. The
abuse was constant. I
do not remember much of that time.
What I do remember is horrifying and I have blocked out the
really bad stuff. Not
remembering it is probably what allows me to get through the day. During
my childhood, I felt that I was a terrible, unlovable child.
After all, that must be why he was “punishing” me. It
seemed I was always doing something wrong: I did not hand my
father the saltshaker with enough 'respect', so I was beaten
bloody. My school
locker wasn’t quite clean enough, so I was made to lean against
the front door of my school during a basketball game and was
whipped across my back in front of other students.
There were incidents every day.
If I was sad he would give me something to be sad about and
if I was too happy I was probably planning something so I would be
beat 'just in case'. There
was no one to turn to and no one to protect us. I remember clearly when my brother and I were being beaten
one day, that my step-mother told my father, "I can’t put
up with this s--t", and took a bowl of ice-cream and a novel
to her room and left my father to continue beating us.
At
13, I was allowed to live with my mother and her 3rd husband who
was also abusive to my mothers 4 children (my-self, my brother and
2 half sisters from her 1st marriage). When I went to live with my
mother I was suffering from the effects of long-term abuse and had
a very troubled adolescence.
I
worked very hard to live a “normal” life.
I joined the Army, I got my GED after dropping out of
school in the 11th grade, got married, and worked at
various jobs. The abuse is over but the consequences affect my life every
day. I do not like to
be touched at all. There
was no loving touch in my childhood; only abuse.
I have no self-esteem, having grown up believing that I was
a “bad” child and would never be any good.
I constantly try to please others even if it is to my
detriment. My
childhood taught me that showing emotion would result in a beating
and I still cannot feel emotions, or identify what they are.
I did not want to talk about the abuse because I felt
ashamed and thought others would see me as crazy or as less of a man.
Keeping it hidden has not allowed me to heal.
All of this affected my marriage, which ended in divorce,
and my work, which had me moving from job to job trying to fit in.
My twin brother was also having trouble trying to live a
normal life, and was becoming an abuser like our father.
He eventually hung himself.
One
of my jobs was in the jewelry industry.
I enjoy helping people celebrate happy events with
beautiful, artistic pieces. One
bright summer day in 1999, I was working on sketches for a piece
of jewelry. I was doing about a dozen sketches and about 2/3 of the way
through I drew what would be ‘Tender Embrace’.
I stopped and stared at the sketch and what it represented.
I believe I was guided to draw it.
This sketch put me on a different path.
I started Livingston Jewelers.
I bought my
first computer and learned to use it and started to pick up small
repair accounts to help my business grow.
I worked at other jobs while trying to get my own business
going. I researched possible product names and charities with the
goal of helping victims of abuse. Today
I have a small and thriving business that is finally able to
produce a line of jewelry that will help bring awareness to child
abuse. I call this
design "Tender Embrace" because that is what so many
abused children never experience.
$5.00 from the sale of each piece will be donated to
charity to help victims of child abuse. My dream is to eventually end child abuse so that every child
may have a happy childhood filled with Tender Embraces. The
next time you see a child, just give them a hug and let them know
they are loved. Thanks,
Jerry (Gerald
A. Livings)
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